Are you able to visualize your ideal mother? Someone told me that she couldn’t do it because when she thought about all the mothers she had ever met, she didn’t want any of these to be her mother – nobody seemed suitable or ideal.
Your ideal parent can be a composite of MANY ideal characteristics.
The secret behind visualizing the ideal parent is at first be aware of the qualities in them you missed as a child. Maybe you didn’t have much fun with your parents or didn’t have support with new ideas. Maybe you needed protection from a scolding neighbor. Write a list of all characteristics you wished you’d had in them. If it’s difficult for you to put this list together intuitively, feel free to look around at other parents and put together your wish list. Among your friend’s parents, you may have found the father who always went fishing with his son, or the father who cooked with his daughter was ideal for you; the mother of your friend who had a lot of fun with her children, or your aunt who always found time to listen could indicate what you wanted.
Take the time and make the effort to craft your ideal parents in your mind.
While this may feel disloyal, you are not seeking to be negative and critical. Actually, you are building them up in your mind and you can have a more gracious, freeing relationship with them and with your own children. In your mind, you are helping them overcome their struggles and hurts. In daily life then, you can imagine your ideal parents who provide you with the right care in the situation at hand. Think about your mother who is the way you need her. Imagine and feel in detail how well she provides for you and what she advises you to do. If you are stuck somewhere and don’t know what to do, you can ask yourself, or better yet, your ideal parent for advice. Ask them, “If you were here right now as my ideal parent, what would you advise me to do?” You’ll be surprised how many supportive ideas appear as if by themselves, to help you further. We can now experience the fulfillment of our needs. Your imagined, ideal, suitable parent with the ideal support and reaction gives us a positive feeling that we now save as a memory. As Buckminster Fuller said “You never change something by fighting the existing reality. To change something, build a new model that makes the existing model obsolete.”
How can imagining your ideal parents help you in your current life? When will you take the time to do it?